Tag Archives: paris scruff

Uncivil Service


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It has to be said, French civil servants (fonctionnaires) are rude, unhelpful lazy cunts always complaining and constantly striking.

I would advise anyone who appreciates life to use extreme caution when approaching these fonctionnaire people, they are known to display unusually violent tendencies towards us civilians.

I can unveil for you today these exclusive shots showing the aftermath of their latest attack.

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Anvers Armageddon


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A stones throw away from the sexy Pigalle district in Paris is the Square d’Anvers where you can enjoy a relaxing picnic on one of the nearby patches of dead grass as playful teens kick dirt and balls your way. It’s 45  m2 play area surrounded by spiked metal bars and public waste bins boasts dusty grit covered grounds catching the kids as they stumble over one another.

Don’t forget to wave goodbye to the homeless guy taking a leak on your way out.

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Daycare of the Damned


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Daycare spaces are pretty scarce in Paris these days with parents having to queue up months in advance to secure a place for their kids.

Coming up to saturation point and unable to admit any more chubby cheeked cuties, the admins of one particular nursery have taken drastic action and come up with a devilishly unique way to put parents off.

Scaring the living shit out of them before they even make it through the front door has been a thorough success!

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Everybody Poops!


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Un poème pour vous:

This mofo got style!

This mofo got the look!

This mofo got sex appeal!

This mofo got it goin’ on!

This mofo knows the score!

This mofo gotta go poop for sure!

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Prison for Papas


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During an hour and a half long wait in my local Proctologist’s waiting room the other day I was flicking through a slimy snot covered copy of Le Point magazine and came across an interesting news article.

Some people just don’t take their kids’ education seriously enough do they?

Education is free, get that kid to school!

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Tramp de Bank


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Parisians are known the world over for their warm welcoming open arms attitude towards one another, tourists, out-of-town folk and Americans.

For example, next time you visit a bank in Paris you should expect nothing less than the king of tramp town himself to be greeting you as you approach.

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Public Relief Episode Two


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Following on from our last episode we now take public defecation to an all new level and as again demonstrated below, public facilities in Paris are in dire need of repair and renovation.

This was previously a prime spot to let your fluids flow, locals are said to have come here
for generations to release their demons in peace and harmony.

Now the intoxicated stench of sun steamed urine seeps from its base, ungrateful youths desecrate the decor with their insolent graffiti whilst crusty troll like tramps spray the contents of their infected bowels up the walls.

Fucking Charming.

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Shitty City


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If you live close to a park in Paris or are lucky enough to have a spot of greenery nearby then you’re most probably used to dodging dog shit on a daily basis. Adventuring further away from these areas you start to feel confident, can hold your head up high and walk in a straight line without the worry of slipping up in doggy diarrhea.

Watch out though. This does not apply to areas such as the 6th, 7th and 16th known to be  densely populated by little old ladies and their priceless toy poodles.
You’ll find defecated ass goblins scattered far and wide, in every place and in every direction,  so beware and keep your eyes on your toes!!

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Haute Garbage


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In the 16th arrondissement of Paris you will find 3 varieties of trash:

-the inhabitants
-the talk (which comes out of the latter)
-the garbage

One of which you can see an example of below…

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Un Prophète


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I’m sure I’ve seen this guy before, his face is so familiar but I just can’t put my finger on it.

Has he been in the news recently? Something to do with pork-chops, no? Ah, never mind, probably just another Parisian gypsy looking for a free lunch.

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Skanque


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Pariscruff.com EXCLUSIVE!!!

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are heading back to Paris!

The Hollywood couple were spotted this afternoon heading into one of Paris’ most prestigious hotels on the swanky rue de Sofia.
They will be residing at Hotel Sofia whilst the adoption addicted duo hunt down their dream bedsit for them and their six kids.

You heard it here first!!

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Delicatessen


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Paris, the magical city of lights.
Internationally renowned for its exceptional restaurants, stunning fashion shows, exquisite art expos, historical architecture and gourmet food stores.

Speaking of gourmet epiceries, don’t miss the opportunity to sample the treats on display at this particular rat infested delicatessen.

Bon Appetit!

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Precious Cesspit


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Whether you’ve just arrived in Paris or have lived here for many years, one thing you will be aware of is the challenge it can be to find decent accommodation at reasonable prices.

If you’re lucky enough to find an owner willing to consider your dossier de location in order to rent you their precious, dark, dingy, top floor, cockroach infested cesspit chambre de bonne then make sure you have the following ready for inspection:

– photocopy of your passport
– 3 latest salary slips
– proof of residence for you guarantor
– full names and address of your latest sexual partners
– photocopy of your guarantors passport
– latest tax declaration
– work contract or certificate
– copy of  your dental records
– bank details
– proof of rent payments from last residence
– your guarantors property tax declaration
– latest rectal exam results

Should your dossier be accepted then you’re either very lucky indeed or one of those fucking trendy, organic loving, ecofriendly, politically correct, privileged left-wing bourgeois bohemian urbanite do-gooder types.

Alternatively, claim your free self erecting tent and camp out in style along the canal saint martin with these guys.

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Bertrand’s Bike


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See, this is what you get when you fuck with Mayor Delanoe’s stuff Mr Pigeon.
You could’t help yourself could ya, you just had to go and shit all over his bikes.

Let this be a lesson to us all.

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Uncivilized Creatures


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I made my reasons for hating the Velib’ quite clear in a previous article, I believe I was harsh but fair and expressed my views in a decent and civilised manner as any self-respecting Parisian would.

As you will see from the images displayed below some creatures of this earth have other methods for displaying their disapproval but I can’t help thinking: What the fuck did the Velib’ ever do to pigeons to deserve this?!!

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Spreading Sport


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Paris isn’t particularly well known for it amazing sports facilities, nor are Parisians famous for their sporting talents.
You’ll find a local gym to keep your muscles toned and a public swimming pool to catch something in but there is one sport which could take Paris to the top.

Skiing.

That’s right! Skiing is the one activity that many Parisians practice on a daily basis thanks to all the dog shit spread throughout the city.

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Public Relief


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Walking can be one of the best ways to discover Paris.  As you stroll through the streets you’re bound to bump into some friendly locals, chat with happy shop keepers or bond with groups of kind-hearted youths.
You’ll come across quaint little boutiques,  award-winning chocolatiers, Michelin featured eateries and numerous thirst quenching cafés!

Just be sure to use the toilet before you carry on your adventure through the city as to not end up faced with one of these stunning public shitteries and no other options.

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Sleeping Scruff


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There’s no denying it, Paris is home to some of the most exquisite sleeperies in the world.
Why not experience the Parisian joie de vivre for yourself by napping in an alley, snuggling up to urine stained walls or having a kip under some scaffolding.

With the massive array of monuments on offer the city’s homeless population is spoilt for choice when it comes to the more exclusive snoozing spots.

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