Tag Archives: homeless

Tramp Factor


Have you got it?!


Egg Hunting Pariscruff Style


Found them yet?

Eggs


Teddy Tears


Pauvre teddy 😦

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Banqueroute


Trader – it’s a hard life!

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E.T. Phone Home


Literally!

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Holy Metro


Jeebus :  ‘If you want to be perfect,  go, travel the metro and give to the poor, you will have treasure in Galleries Lafayette. Then come,  follow me to Fauchon.’
-Matthew 19:219

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Prison for Papas


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During an hour and a half long wait in my local Proctologist’s waiting room the other day I was flicking through a slimy snot covered copy of Le Point magazine and came across an interesting news article.

Some people just don’t take their kids’ education seriously enough do they?

Education is free, get that kid to school!

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Tramp de Bank


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Parisians are known the world over for their warm welcoming open arms attitude towards one another, tourists, out-of-town folk and Americans.

For example, next time you visit a bank in Paris you should expect nothing less than the king of tramp town himself to be greeting you as you approach.

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Royale With Cheese


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If you’re looking for a variety of luxury goods all under one roof then I suggest you head over to Galleries Lafayette, Paris’ most famous department store. As you enter you may well be stunned by the beauty of the ceiling but keep your eyes ahead of you as to avoid bumping into the crowd of Japanese tourists heading your way.

Once you’ve dragged yourself up and down the six floors crammed with hideous, overpriced and quite comical fashion items you’ll most probably be needing a sit down, something to quench your thirst and possibly a bite to eat.

According to their website Galleries Lafeyette offers a wide selection of restaurants and cafés throughout the store catering to all tastes.
You’ll find Chinese and Japanese eateries and a self-service café on the 6th floor, patisserie and tea shop on the 3rd, a wine and champagne bar on the 1st floor, a sandwich shop on the 5th, not forgetting the espresso bar on ground level.

Ah, they seem to have omitted to mention the Mc Donalds on the 5th Floor opposite the baggage department.
Silly them, look, there’s even the token homeless person taking a nap!

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Precious Cesspit


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Whether you’ve just arrived in Paris or have lived here for many years, one thing you will be aware of is the challenge it can be to find decent accommodation at reasonable prices.

If you’re lucky enough to find an owner willing to consider your dossier de location in order to rent you their precious, dark, dingy, top floor, cockroach infested cesspit chambre de bonne then make sure you have the following ready for inspection:

– photocopy of your passport
– 3 latest salary slips
– proof of residence for you guarantor
– full names and address of your latest sexual partners
– photocopy of your guarantors passport
– latest tax declaration
– work contract or certificate
– copy of  your dental records
– bank details
– proof of rent payments from last residence
– your guarantors property tax declaration
– latest rectal exam results

Should your dossier be accepted then you’re either very lucky indeed or one of those fucking trendy, organic loving, ecofriendly, politically correct, privileged left-wing bourgeois bohemian urbanite do-gooder types.

Alternatively, claim your free self erecting tent and camp out in style along the canal saint martin with these guys.

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Sleeping Scruff


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There’s no denying it, Paris is home to some of the most exquisite sleeperies in the world.
Why not experience the Parisian joie de vivre for yourself by napping in an alley, snuggling up to urine stained walls or having a kip under some scaffolding.

With the massive array of monuments on offer the city’s homeless population is spoilt for choice when it comes to the more exclusive snoozing spots.

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Waist* of Space


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*Yes I am trying to be funny
There are many, many genuinely needy homeless people in Paris. You wonder sometimes how a lot of them stay alive for so long, I mean just check out the state of this guy and you’ll see what I mean.You see skinny mothers dressed in rags with hungry kids hanging from their tits, old men with no teeth and half a leg missing, you see lonely 16 year olds with no shoes … and then you come across this asshole!
I mean c’mon, she’s obviously well fed, her clothes are crispy clean, she’s got a bag full of groceries behind her, I bet those designer glasses didn’t come cheap either and look at that classy bowl she’s using!

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Jeebus Price!!


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I’ve always been amazed, when walking through the streets of Paris, by the number of homeless people one will stroll past on a daily basis. Whether it be on a freezing February morning or a burning hot summery afternoon you’ll be knowingly ignoring a beggar at some point in your day.

Jeebus Price indeed!

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