During an hour and a half long wait in my local Proctologist’s waiting room the other day I was flicking through a slimy snot covered copy of Le Point magazine and came across an interesting news article.
Some people just don’t take their kids’ education seriously enough do they?
Education is free, get that kid to school!
Parisians are known the world over for their warm welcoming open arms attitude towards one another, tourists, out-of-town folk and Americans.
For example, next time you visit a bank in Paris you should expect nothing less than the king of tramp town himself to be greeting you as you approach.
I’m sure I’ve seen this guy before, his face is so familiar but I just can’t put my finger on it.
Has he been in the news recently? Something to do with pork-chops, no? Ah, never mind, probably just another Parisian gypsy looking for a free lunch.
Whether you’ve just arrived in Paris or have lived here for many years, one thing you will be aware of is the challenge it can be to find decent accommodation at reasonable prices.
If you’re lucky enough to find an owner willing to consider your dossier de location in order to rent you their precious, dark, dingy, top floor, cockroach infested cesspit chambre de bonne then make sure you have the following ready for inspection:
– photocopy of your passport
– 3 latest salary slips
– proof of residence for you guarantor
– full names and address of your latest sexual partners
– photocopy of your guarantors passport
– latest tax declaration
– work contract or certificate
– copy of your dental records
– bank details
– proof of rent payments from last residence
– your guarantors property tax declaration
– latest rectal exam results
Should your dossier be accepted then you’re either very lucky indeed or one of those fucking trendy, organic loving, ecofriendly, politically correct, privileged left-wing bourgeois bohemian urbanite do-gooder types.
Alternatively, claim your free self erecting tent and camp out in style along the canal saint martin with these guys.
There’s no denying it, Paris is home to some of the most exquisite sleeperies in the world.
Why not experience the Parisian joie de vivre for yourself by napping in an alley, snuggling up to urine stained walls or having a kip under some scaffolding.
With the massive array of monuments on offer the city’s homeless population is spoilt for choice when it comes to the more exclusive snoozing spots.
*Yes I am trying to be funny
There are many, many genuinely needy homeless people in Paris. You wonder sometimes how a lot of them stay alive for so long, I mean just check out the state of this guy and you’ll see what I mean.You see skinny mothers dressed in rags with hungry kids hanging from their tits, old men with no teeth and half a leg missing, you see lonely 16 year olds with no shoes … and then you come across this asshole!
I mean c’mon, she’s obviously well fed, her clothes are crispy clean, she’s got a bag full of groceries behind her, I bet those designer glasses didn’t come cheap either and look at that classy bowl she’s using!
I’ve always been amazed, when walking through the streets of Paris, by the number of homeless people one will stroll past on a daily basis. Whether it be on a freezing February morning or a burning hot summery afternoon you’ll be knowingly ignoring a beggar at some point in your day.
Jeebus Price indeed!