Velib’ Love & Shit


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In case you don’t know what the hell a Velib’ is click here.
The velib’ is awesome, you can use it as much as you like for just 29€ per year, 1€ for an hour and 30 minutes for absolutely nothing!
You avoid the cramped public transportation, you save the planet by not using your car not to mention avoiding the traffic jams.
You no longer have to worry about having your bike stolen, you burn calories and to top it all off you get to see more of this lovely city!
Just kidding.
The Velib’ is a fucking nightmare!!
Man: Yawn, time to go to work, ahh, I think I’ll take a Velib’ today, it’ll be fun!
The man walks down to his nearest Velib’ station. The station is empty, there are no bikes left.
Man: Lame.
Walking towards the next station, the man sees there in one bike left.
Man: Gawd, I hope I get there before some other cunt snatches it.
The man gets to the Velib’ station, the bike is there, it’s in great working order, the red light is showing on the bike dock.
Man: For fuck sake, why the…
It’s alright, there’s another station a few streets away, the man walks to the next station.
There are plenty of bikes at the next station, the man can take whichever one he wants!
Man: Sweet, this one looks in top condition and the saddle is just at the right height too.
The man is happy, he cycles down the street, he may even be early for work at this rate.

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Man: Woooaaa, woooow, shit, what the…jeebus! Pardonnez moi m’dame, c’est la chaine!
The chain has come off, the man cannot put the chain back on due to the chain guard screwed in place.
Not to worry, there is another station not too far away. The man walks with the faulty bike to the next station where he docks it.
At this point it would be easy for the man to walk the rest of the way but he’s late already, he hops onto another velib’.
Man: Shit, I’m late for work, better call and let them know I’m on my way.
Man is stopped by police for using the phone whilst cycling, he receives a fine.
Man: Putain, fait chier!
The man arrives at his destination, he cycles towards a velib’ station he has just spotted.
Man: Damn, there are no free spaces, arrrgh!
There’s always the next station.
The man speeds up to the next station.
Man: Mother fucker!
There’s always the next station…?
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About cityscruff

Ripping your city apart shit by shit View all posts by cityscruff

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